Welcome to the world of Leonbergers!

Dear Customer,

Congratulations on acquiring your Leonberger. Please find the instructions for your particular model listed below:

Although your Leonberger comes fully assembled, due to particular issues during production, we do occasionally have issues with components such as screws. They invariably are either loose or missing altogether.

Mode 1: This is the mute mode. During this period, your Leonberger will not respond to any other instructions. This is normal and you should not worry about it. Just take advantage of these quiet periods to vacuum the fur off your furniture, clothes, and ceilings.

Mode 2: Anarchy. Although we have tried to ease the effect of anarchy mode, it’s not always possible. There are inherent issues with the timer settings of anarchy mode in regards to there being none. Should your Leonberger suddenly go from comatose to bouncing off the walls, we cannot stop this feature.

Sunlight: Do not allow your Leonberger to stay in the sun too long. They can burn if left unattended but they also recharge. Too much of a charge and mode 2 can be activated without warning.

Cold temperatures and snow: Do not allow your Leonberger to stay out on cold days or when there is snow on the ground. The cold seems to recharge them twice as fast. Please do not call to tell us you’ve discovered how to activate Hell Mode 3.

Location: Note that your Leonberger will have a tendency to develop a magnetic field that automatically attaches itself to your spot on the bed or sofa. This gives you another opportunity to vacuum the fur off your furniture, clothes, and ceilings.

Energy consumption: This has been an ongoing issue as their energy consumption is too direct. We have tried to put baffles, non-return valves, and diversions in place but none seem to work adequately. Safe to say what goes in comes out in massive quantities. Please get in touch with our bulldozer division if this becomes an issue.

Naming: Your Leonberger comes untitled as we feel owners should use names of their own. If you are unsure, we have listed below a few names our owners like to use:

Are you kidding me?
Is that yours?
Don’t you dare!
Leave it!
Drop it!
You’re not a lap dog.

The zipper: We ask you not to try to open the Leonbergers’s zipper on their belly as this will invalidate your one-hour warranty. Rumors that they are merely two-year-olds in a dog suit are gaining credibility.

Software: Your Leonberger comes pre-installed with the most innovative software and hardware. This includes the loyalty chip, the love every one chip, the fun chip, and, of course, the highly popular mayhem chip. They are all running on the Whatthehell operating system 12.2. Although this has been in circulation for many years, we have found it simply cannot be improved.

Should you have any questions you can reach us at 118-what-did-I-do. Please be aware that by the time you have read this, your warranty will have run out. Unfortunately, we do not renew warranties and we do not offer refunds or returns.

We hope you have many years of enjoyment with your Leonberger.
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